


.let go

by AkaToMidori



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: AU, Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:54:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22258276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkaToMidori/pseuds/AkaToMidori
Summary: Sho had always known that his relationship with Aiba was never going to last. For starters, it wasn’t even a relationship. It was, as his friend Nino would call it, a ‘fuck fest.’ Because first, everything and anything he and Aiba ever did together was, to put it mildly, screw the brains out of one another; and second, Sho was hopelessly in love with Aiba even though he knew that Aiba wasn’t in love with him.
Relationships: Aiba Masaki/Sakurai Sho
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31
Collections: Sakuraiba Tanabata 2019-2020





	.let go

**Author's Note:**

> _Jan 14_  
>  Prompt: “You don’t have to stay.”

Sho had always known that his relationship with Aiba was never going to last. For starters, it wasn’t even a relationship. It was, as his friend Nino would call it, a ‘fuck fest.’ Because first, everything and anything he and Aiba ever did together was, to put it mildly, screw the brains out of one another; and second, Sho was hopelessly in love with Aiba even though he knew that Aiba wasn’t in love with him.

It all had started eleven years ago. Aiba had snuck into his bed while they were on vacation together with the rest of their friends, and had started rubbing himself against his body. Feeling Aiba’s breath on his neck becoming hotter, his moans in his ear becoming louder, and his hard erection pressed against his ass, Sho had shut that little voice in his head that was telling him that this was wrong, that Aiba would never feel that way, that he was just drunk, and this was happening just because they happened to be sharing the double room… and had turned around.

They had shared a hot, wet kiss, Aiba moaning into Sho’s lips with want, one of his hands palming Sho’s crotch mercilessly. He had given in more easily than he would have wanted to, but he hadn’t cared. Five minutes later, Aiba’s hand had wrapped around both of them, and they had tumbled into a world of bliss together.

They didn’t talk about it the next morning. In fact, they didn’t really talk for months after that. Until it happened again, on a night when Aiba had rang on Sho’s doorbell and had unceremoniously shoved his tongue down his throat. 

That marked the start of their long and fucked up relationship.

At the time, it really didn’t seem like such a bad idea to Sho. He’d get to sleep with Aiba whenever and wherever he wanted, and no one would have to know. And, for a while, he had really stupidly believed everything would be okay. He told himself that the pull he felt in his stomach every time Aiba was around was due to the feeling of secrecy that their relationship had. None of their friends or family ever suspected anything. They were doing this in secret, and the thought turned him on more than he knew.

In the beginning, when Sho was still living with his parents, they would meet at Aiba’s place twice a week. Aiba would always take a shower first, and Sho would lay on his bed, listening to the sound of the water, his body heavily anticipating what was about to come. And yet, he never suspected for one second that it could mean more than just sex. He was young, and his hormones didn’t care about stupid things like feelings, and hurt, and consequences. And after all, – Sho would chant to his conscience whenever he caught himself coming closer to the truth, – Aiba and him were both guys. Nothing could ever happen between them, really.

Nino realized it first, and that didn’t surprise Sho the very least. He never approved of what they were doing, Sho knew it, but he never tried to really stop them. He would make a passing comment sometimes, or direct a well placed sarcastic joke their way. But Sho knew Nino was doing out of love, because he had probably realized that Sho had fallen head over heels for Aiba. Maybe even before Sho himself knew.

It had been eleven years, and Sho couldn’t walk away from this. He had tried to, but all he could manage to do was to distance himself from Aiba. For years, now, he would try to treat him coldly when the morning after came; he would leave before Aiba could wake up, so that he wouldn’t be tempted to kiss him until it was well into the day. But Aiba wasn’t making it easy on him. Every time they would end up at Sho’s apartment for the night, Aiba would always make him breakfast to eat together the next day.

Sho hated how that made him feel. It was like Aiba was thanking him for a good night spent together, like a common prostitute. But most of all, he hated that it gave him hope that one day he and Aiba could wake up in the same bed, and have breakfast, and neither of them would have to leave. He didn’t know when he had started to dream about that, but it was slowly killing him inside.

‘ _Today,’_ he thought to himself.

He was laying on the bed, looking at the ceiling, but not really seeing it. His head was a mess of thoughts and memories that were working slowly but steadily to shake his resolution. By the time he had gotten out of bed and had put on some clothes, he was fighting tooth and nail to convince himself to break it off for good this time.

He stopped right at the entrance of the kitchen to stare at Aiba, who was cooking something while dressed only in his boxers. Sho hated how much he loved that sight, how much he wished he could just hug the other man from behind, kiss his neck adoringly, and tell him that he loved him.

“Good morning, Sho-chan,” Aiba’s voice sang. While Sho was lost in his own damning thoughts, he had turned around and had walked to the table, where he was placing some rice in the bowls he had already prepared. Sho fought with his mind and his heart again to try to gather the courage to tell Aiba to go away, that it was over, that he didn’t want this anymore.

Aiba put away the rice and got the eggs from the counter, all the while blissfully unaware of Sho’s internal turmoil, as usual. And just like every time, Sho couldn’t find the courage to say what he wanted to say.

“Come on, Sho-chan, I have to go to work, so hurry up so we can have breakfast together,” Aiba said as he returned to the table with the pan.

“You don't have to stay.”

Aiba stopped placing eggs in the dishes and frowned at him. “Sorry?”

“I mean,” Sho continued, twisting his shirt. “If you have to go to work...”

“Don’t be silly,” the other guy chirped, finishing up their dishes. “I want to have breakfast with you before I go.”

“I know what this is, Aiba,” Sho interrupted him. “We’re not together. You don’t have to make me breakfast every morning just so you’ll feel better about using me.” He had intended for his words to be casual, but he couldn’t hide his bitterness.

“What are you talking about, Sho-chan?” Aiba asked in a small voice. “I’m not the one who’s using you, and we both know it.”

Sho felt the rage mount in him at those words. “What are you talking about?”

“Do you know how it makes me feel when I wake up and you’re just gone?” Aiba looked at him with hurt in his eyes. “Like you don’t care about me at all. Like I’m some random guy you picked up at a bar to just screw and never see again. I mean, I know you don’t give a flying fuck about me, but at least you could pretend I’m not just a sex toy to you.”

“What?”

“I guess it’s just too much to ask of you to stand my sight for the fifteen minutes it takes us to have breakfast together, without one of us on their knees or bent over the counter.”

Sho stared at Aiba with utter confusion written on his face. Quickly, almost as if he was trying to run away, Aiba crossed the kitchen to get out. As soon as he passed by Sho, the other man grabbed his wrist and stopped him.

“Wait! What are you saying?”

“Let me go, Sho,” Aiba said angrily. “It’s over, okay? I can’t stand this any more.”

“Aiba,” Sho said, trying not to let his voice crack. “Y—You love me?”

Aiba didn’t reply, but he suddenly stopped fighting to free himself.

“Tell me you do,” Sho knew he was begging, but he didn’t care. “Because I love _you_ , Aiba Masaki. I love you so much it physically hurts me.”

Aiba’s eyes shot up. “You’re serious?”

Sho nodded at him with a melancholic smile. He freed Aiba’s wrist and opened his mouth to speak again, but before he could say another word, Aiba had him pinned against the wall and was attacking his mouth. Sho recovered from the surprise pretty quickly, all things considered, and kissed him back as soon as he did, his mind completely blank from all thoughts for the first time in a long time.

When they separated, Aiba’s eyes were red, but the smile on his lips was all Sho could see. “We’re a couple of idiots, you know that?” he said.

They couldn’t help but laugh as they landed more kisses on each other. It had taken them eleven years to get there, and now that they finally had each other, they would never let go.


End file.
